We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
