The maid of honor just puked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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