Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Enjoy the penises
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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