Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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