We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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