I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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