Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
