i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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