I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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