I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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