Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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