Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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