Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
