This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
