I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's always time for handjobs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
