yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
