guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize