I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
