Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize