MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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