By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
