i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
