R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
