Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was like eating out sand paper
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
