i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
