If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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