We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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