I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
