Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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