new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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