And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
