So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
