Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
