He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
