You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
