Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
