As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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