I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
