I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
