Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
