My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
