So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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