Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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