All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize