So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
