You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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