My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
