i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
