Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
