I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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