North Korea, Best Korea!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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