remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
