the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
