I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
