You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
