Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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