ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
