I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
