i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
