The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
