He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
