Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
