I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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