i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
