forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
