You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
