i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
should my penis look like a turkey
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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