Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
