I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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