He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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