I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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